DC ♥s RX 21607

Aiyo, I cried a lot today I think. I wonder if Raymond cries too, deep down inside, but I doubt he has the time to do that, that’s why he always feels fine. Funny how I used to be the happy one all of the time, now I’m trying to recover. It’s quite devastating how I haven’t seen him for 4 days, and tomorrow will be 5, then after seeing him for one day, I probably won’t see him until after my vacation. Basically, 33 days minimum without seeing him after Friday. What also sucks is that I haven’t really been able to talk to him much lately. We didn’t talk last night, and our longest conversation today was less than 5 minutes. I keep thinking about the sadness of the summer, the pain it will cause me. I even get scared that I would keep crying and crying day after day until I feel no emotion. No pain, no sadness, no depression, no happiness. The thing that saved me was when I was showering, I thought about the time me and Raymond was in English class, when I copied the scene in Love Story in Harvard, when the girl and the guy draw a big heart together with their fingers simultaneously. Then I thought, my fairy-tale like moments with him will keep me happy, for a while. And I hope that while we last about…33 days.

 

Lol. I dink my dad may be a bit suspicious about me having a boyfriend. When it usually is my mom, who is the suspicious one.

 

Are you going to get a DS? Despite all this, will I? I mean, I should save for college, but I now doubt that I can get into any of the great colleges, this is because I can get good grades, but I suck at standardized tests and I don’t go to summer school, and I have never had a tutor. Bad shape to get into a great college. >.<

Unless I go to some famous art college, nah, tough. I doubt I’d get into Stanford, and I don’t bother to apply to Berkeley, so much competition against my peers. >.< I’d really like to see what will happen when Raymond gets accepted to those “great” colleges, and when I get rejected. His parents have been forcing him to do so much, so of course if he wanted to go to the same college, it would be merely impossible. I haven’t got the chance to ask him why doesn’t he try to persuade his mother to not force him to do certain things. :/ Well, when it’s senior year, I doubt Raymond will be Zhi Shu, in the way that Zhi Shu chose not go to the best university, and ended up going to the same one as Xiang Qin. I mean if he wanted his dream of being a lawyer, he might as well get all the best education he can get.

 

New thought, maybe I can go to the same college as Jess? But I’d miss Raymond a lot, I wonder if there are any good colleges near the great ones…

 

FONT size=3>“The future is not guaranteed” I hate that quote now. I know I’m being a hypocrite. But if there’s no (guaranteed) future, why is there hope and why do people say forever? 

 

I finished watching the 11 episodes of “Long Vacation”, I loved it, I’m not quite sure why. Well I really like how the guy and the girl always encourage each other, even before they had feelings for each other. And the lady was older than the guy, by 7 years! I like the personalities of the lead characters, and there wasn’t really a bad guy in the story. There were funny moments and romantic moments. Love it! <3 I want to “play” with fireworks with Raymond one day. Senior Prom? oO Don’t know :P

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Aiy, I need to do more creative things like make cards and stuff to avoid the computer!

 

LOL, there was a diskette on the floor that said “Start Up” and I thought it said “Shut Up”

Fast Track = Fart Track  @__@ (Ahh, I need to study!)

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Everything just gets worse and worse. I wish I’m use to it, that’s why it doesn’t seem hard for Raymond. It’s now the 3^rd time I cried today, not “teary eyed”, but tears that just keep rolling doing my cheeks. So now, he can’t freaking hang out with me Friday, that’s 6 days. As a newbie in this, it’s so hard to take in, I can’t stop crying over this, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m scared that at my weakest point, when I can’t take it anymore, that somebody will be there for me, just like how Raymond was there, but this time, someone that would make me have to chose between that person and Raymond. That might sound confusing but, I always believe in this thing, where when a person is in love, and is hurt, the person who helps them, has the biggest chance of being liked, because the person who was hurts realizes there is someone else, perhaps someone better. Now I feel like I’m talking nonsense, well actually, when I try to describe this in words, it makes more sense. So nevermind about this, cause I kinda doubt this is gonna happen. This is me thinking too much when I cry…

I hope I can hang out with people over the summer to take my mind off this misery. Man, my best friend and boyfriend are going to be leaving me very soon. I pray to God that I can take on this challenge, and I hope he will guide me.

Sadly, it seems like it will be a lonely, lonely Summer, since Raymond probably has to go to summer school, basically, won't be able to hang out with me at all for a month, and when that month finishes, I'll be gone, so it just keeps getting worse! I wanted to get a job near my house, but my mom won't let me! She thinks only perverts work there and whatever :(. This sucks, now I have NOBODY to hang out with, nothing to do except sit at home. So basically, Summer is staring to get bad, and its gonna get worse and worse. And next year's summer, is gonna be horrible too, because for at least ONE MONTH, Raymond will NOT BE IN SAN FRANCISCO. Why should I stay alive? >.< Only thing I might be able to do is play ping-pong with Ding... if he's not busy. But when Joann and Jess found out that Raymond was playing ping-pong with Sally, they're like, thinking bad thoughts, and wondering why he isn't with me. Well, I did let him, so I don't blame him. So, if I played ping-pong with Ding, wouldn't people say the same? Anyways, if Ding is busy, I have nobody to play with, except Sally, but I suck too much.

 

I wonder what he is doing right now, he's not answering me. I hope even when he goes to Summer School, he'll be able to call me a few times everyday. I hope. Aiyo, I don't know how we'd ever go to the same college, considering he goes tutoring and summer school, while I do neither. I seem pathetic compared to the other 4.0 people in our school. I don't even know why I want to apply to those big schools, I know I'm not gonna get in, since I don't do good on standardized tests and stuff. Gosh :( I suck badly.

 

I hope I can endure.

Today happens to be the LAST day of school..for my sophmore year. Great year ! Anyhow, got to school early, and I saw Raymond in the halls unexpectingly, because I wanted to suprise him since I was all dressed up and stuff. His favorite too..lol..skirt & those striped jacket for suits..whatever they're called, and of course a tank top :P (haha i heard him whistle when my tank top was fully revealed XP) Uh, then went to Davis' class, got my expected grade and like left, but when Alice went..Davis was like shocked ..lol. Then me and Raymond wandered around I guess. I went to play piano..but SOMEBODY had to make me feel like a FAILURE just because I can't play as well as Guang Liang, and that was like bored to DEATH when I played cuz I SUCK. But...I have only been SERIOUS about playing piano for a little while, I started concentrating around the time I played Tong Hua, which was around Thanksgiving time last year..therefore..it hasn't even been a year. Even though I stared piano in 1st grade..I was FORCED. You see, forced being to do piano..wasn't good, till I start trying about..8 years later. And omg..it's like exactly the same for Chinese, started in 1st grade, didn't want to learn it till about 8 years later..when it's a bit to late. So compare me with any other piano player..go ahead..and consider how many "years" they learn and wanted to play..compared to my "few months" ok? Too late for me to be great at it :( Oh well. He makes me feel bad for my crappy piano...like makes me suck more than I do. I mean..I try practicing when I'm bored..something I would NEVER do, but I can only make small improvements. It's so "funny" how ppl my age or younger that learned about the same # of years..they are better than me, but you noe..I never wanted to compete with them, and I never will. Ok moving on to brighter parts of the day. Mulligan was "torturing" me..O well, I don't really mind. Then during 2nd period..hilarious. Mr. Davis went into the bathroom, and Chris put the cart for the books, right in front of the door and sat on it. Alice was recording it and like Davis flushed the toilet and we all started to laugh, then davis came out and pushed the cart. Haha...we're crzy and stupid..It's the last day..what do they expect? It was funny :) and a rare footage! Then we went asking Mahnke our grades, and she said we all have an "A" except for Linh..lol. Then to Khan, but she wasn't there :(. Then homeroom, and ms.li took a pic of me and Raymond :) && she didn't kick us out! Then we met up with alice n linh, and the vice principal told us to go to homeroom, which i'm kinda sure that Homeroom ENDED already. We all said bye to Harris, and left the school. :O

 

Went to KFC to eat "breakfast" as Raymond & I try to break the code on his phone, till he got hungry. Then we went to Yerba Buena's bowling alley, but hella kids were there for a field trip, so we had to wait till 12:30. So us 4 went to Metreon to the bathroom, and then to play in that place..Playstation store..I think. Then I sang :), nicely I guess..old songs that I haven't sang for soo long cause I've only been listening to chinese songs. First, I sand "Stickwitu" by: Pussycat Dolls, Love the song :) Several high notes. 2nd I sang "Unwritten" by: Natasha benningfield, it's kinda fast, so not much high notes..I didn't think I sang well, but I think I got perfect Score. Then I sang "Can't Help Falling In Love" thinking that it was the one sang by: Ateens, but it wasn't :(. You noe..the Lilo and Stich song..F4 sings it in Chinese. Anyways, that was not good..lol. And "Photograph" by: Nickelback (I think) wasn't good, cause I don't noe the lyrics or the melody of the beginning XP. Then we went to play bowling, and as we walked, Benny, Tiff, and Angelica was there and eventually came bowling with us, technically only Benny. It was ok, Raymond won with freaking 110. Benny forced us to play w.o. the rail :( which screwed me over in the end!!! Especially Raymond knocking the rail down!! So i got 95 :/ I think I bowled pretty well, though! the least i got was 6. Benny got ten less than me and iono what Alice & Linh got, but I'm quite sure Linh had more. Then we went to the playground..and my skirt revealed my shorts when it went up ><. Then we went back to go sing some more, everyone wanted to hear Angelica sing, but she said she can't sing into a mic. :( So i was forced/tricked into singing 2 songs. "stickwitu", again wasn't that bad and "breakaway" by:Kelly Clarkson, not bad, perfect score..final stage..daimond. lol. Then we went to eat at Little Paris. Yum :). Then to quickley, then to the playground with the crzy boys "playing basketball", making me and Alice scream, while Raymond sits there in pain and anger..kinda. DUI BU QUI! Then we went to the library and didn't do much, then dropped off Alice at St.Mary's, then to North Beach. Raymond went into the library, and I went home and got my paddles for table tennis. I wonder what Raymond was doing in the library. Then we went to play ping pong. I was being traing to beat Raymond Kwong, which i'm sure will be highly possible when we get back to school with all the "training" in the summer. Ping pong is cool, less running than tennis and badminton, but way faster..I need to improve my reaction rate..lol. If I do, that will TOTALLY help me in tennis and badminton. Then at 5, 8 hours of fun, I brought Raymond to his bus stop and sent him off :(. Then the rest of the day is probably the same as usual. Awesome day :) I think I have a lot of awesome days, I seem used to it. But since it's now summer break, it means less awesome days, but it makes the awesome days MORE awesome :).

Thank you Raymond, for all of the awesome days, I love you so much ♥

 

P.S. Thanks for coming to school yesterday and today, even though like..nobody did. Thank you very much.