Aiyo, I cried a lot today I think. I wonder if Raymond cries too, deep down inside, but I doubt he has the time to do that, that’s why he always feels fine. Funny how I used to be the happy one all of the time, now I’m trying to recover. It’s quite devastating how I haven’t seen him for 4 days, and tomorrow will be 5, then after seeing him for one day, I probably won’t see him until after my vacation. Basically, 33 days minimum without seeing him after Friday. What also sucks is that I haven’t really been able to talk to him much lately. We didn’t talk last night, and our longest conversation today was less than 5 minutes. I keep thinking about the sadness of the summer, the pain it will cause me. I even get scared that I would keep crying and crying day after day until I feel no emotion. No pain, no sadness, no depression, no happiness. The thing that saved me was when I was showering, I thought about the time me and Raymond was in English class, when I copied the scene in Love Story in Harvard, when the girl and the guy draw a big heart together with their fingers simultaneously. Then I thought, my fairy-tale like moments with him will keep me happy, for a while. And I hope that while we last about…33 days.

 

Lol. I dink my dad may be a bit suspicious about me having a boyfriend. When it usually is my mom, who is the suspicious one.

 

Are you going to get a DS? Despite all this, will I? I mean, I should save for college, but I now doubt that I can get into any of the great colleges, this is because I can get good grades, but I suck at standardized tests and I don’t go to summer school, and I have never had a tutor. Bad shape to get into a great college. >.<

Unless I go to some famous art college, nah, tough. I doubt I’d get into Stanford, and I don’t bother to apply to Berkeley, so much competition against my peers. >.< I’d really like to see what will happen when Raymond gets accepted to those “great” colleges, and when I get rejected. His parents have been forcing him to do so much, so of course if he wanted to go to the same college, it would be merely impossible. I haven’t got the chance to ask him why doesn’t he try to persuade his mother to not force him to do certain things. :/ Well, when it’s senior year, I doubt Raymond will be Zhi Shu, in the way that Zhi Shu chose not go to the best university, and ended up going to the same one as Xiang Qin. I mean if he wanted his dream of being a lawyer, he might as well get all the best education he can get.

 

New thought, maybe I can go to the same college as Jess? But I’d miss Raymond a lot, I wonder if there are any good colleges near the great ones…

 

FONT size=3>“The future is not guaranteed” I hate that quote now. I know I’m being a hypocrite. But if there’s no (guaranteed) future, why is there hope and why do people say forever? 

 

I finished watching the 11 episodes of “Long Vacation”, I loved it, I’m not quite sure why. Well I really like how the guy and the girl always encourage each other, even before they had feelings for each other. And the lady was older than the guy, by 7 years! I like the personalities of the lead characters, and there wasn’t really a bad guy in the story. There were funny moments and romantic moments. Love it! <3 I want to “play” with fireworks with Raymond one day. Senior Prom? oO Don’t know :P

FONT size=3> 

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Aiy, I need to do more creative things like make cards and stuff to avoid the computer!

 

LOL, there was a diskette on the floor that said “Start Up” and I thought it said “Shut Up”

Fast Track = Fart Track  @__@ (Ahh, I need to study!)

---------------------

Everything just gets worse and worse. I wish I’m use to it, that’s why it doesn’t seem hard for Raymond. It’s now the 3^rd time I cried today, not “teary eyed”, but tears that just keep rolling doing my cheeks. So now, he can’t freaking hang out with me Friday, that’s 6 days. As a newbie in this, it’s so hard to take in, I can’t stop crying over this, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m scared that at my weakest point, when I can’t take it anymore, that somebody will be there for me, just like how Raymond was there, but this time, someone that would make me have to chose between that person and Raymond. That might sound confusing but, I always believe in this thing, where when a person is in love, and is hurt, the person who helps them, has the biggest chance of being liked, because the person who was hurts realizes there is someone else, perhaps someone better. Now I feel like I’m talking nonsense, well actually, when I try to describe this in words, it makes more sense. So nevermind about this, cause I kinda doubt this is gonna happen. This is me thinking too much when I cry…

I hope I can hang out with people over the summer to take my mind off this misery. Man, my best friend and boyfriend are going to be leaving me very soon. I pray to God that I can take on this challenge, and I hope he will guide me.

Sadly, it seems like it will be a lonely, lonely Summer, since Raymond probably has to go to summer school, basically, won't be able to hang out with me at all for a month, and when that month finishes, I'll be gone, so it just keeps getting worse! I wanted to get a job near my house, but my mom won't let me! She thinks only perverts work there and whatever :(. This sucks, now I have NOBODY to hang out with, nothing to do except sit at home. So basically, Summer is staring to get bad, and its gonna get worse and worse. And next year's summer, is gonna be horrible too, because for at least ONE MONTH, Raymond will NOT BE IN SAN FRANCISCO. Why should I stay alive? >.< Only thing I might be able to do is play ping-pong with Ding... if he's not busy. But when Joann and Jess found out that Raymond was playing ping-pong with Sally, they're like, thinking bad thoughts, and wondering why he isn't with me. Well, I did let him, so I don't blame him. So, if I played ping-pong with Ding, wouldn't people say the same? Anyways, if Ding is busy, I have nobody to play with, except Sally, but I suck too much.

 

I wonder what he is doing right now, he's not answering me. I hope even when he goes to Summer School, he'll be able to call me a few times everyday. I hope. Aiyo, I don't know how we'd ever go to the same college, considering he goes tutoring and summer school, while I do neither. I seem pathetic compared to the other 4.0 people in our school. I don't even know why I want to apply to those big schools, I know I'm not gonna get in, since I don't do good on standardized tests and stuff. Gosh :( I suck badly.

 

I hope I can endure.

Today happens to be the LAST day of school..for my sophmore year. Great year ! Anyhow, got to school early, and I saw Raymond in the halls unexpectingly, because I wanted to suprise him since I was all dressed up and stuff. His favorite too..lol..skirt & those striped jacket for suits..whatever they're called, and of course a tank top :P (haha i heard him whistle when my tank top was fully revealed XP) Uh, then went to Davis' class, got my expected grade and like left, but when Alice went..Davis was like shocked ..lol. Then me and Raymond wandered around I guess. I went to play piano..but SOMEBODY had to make me feel like a FAILURE just because I can't play as well as Guang Liang, and that was like bored to DEATH when I played cuz I SUCK. But...I have only been SERIOUS about playing piano for a little while, I started concentrating around the time I played Tong Hua, which was around Thanksgiving time last year..therefore..it hasn't even been a year. Even though I stared piano in 1st grade..I was FORCED. You see, forced being to do piano..wasn't good, till I start trying about..8 years later. And omg..it's like exactly the same for Chinese, started in 1st grade, didn't want to learn it till about 8 years later..when it's a bit to late. So compare me with any other piano player..go ahead..and consider how many "years" they learn and wanted to play..compared to my "few months" ok? Too late for me to be great at it :( Oh well. He makes me feel bad for my crappy piano...like makes me suck more than I do. I mean..I try practicing when I'm bored..something I would NEVER do, but I can only make small improvements. It's so "funny" how ppl my age or younger that learned about the same # of years..they are better than me, but you noe..I never wanted to compete with them, and I never will. Ok moving on to brighter parts of the day. Mulligan was "torturing" me..O well, I don't really mind. Then during 2nd period..hilarious. Mr. Davis went into the bathroom, and Chris put the cart for the books, right in front of the door and sat on it. Alice was recording it and like Davis flushed the toilet and we all started to laugh, then davis came out and pushed the cart. Haha...we're crzy and stupid..It's the last day..what do they expect? It was funny :) and a rare footage! Then we went asking Mahnke our grades, and she said we all have an "A" except for Linh..lol. Then to Khan, but she wasn't there :(. Then homeroom, and ms.li took a pic of me and Raymond :) && she didn't kick us out! Then we met up with alice n linh, and the vice principal told us to go to homeroom, which i'm kinda sure that Homeroom ENDED already. We all said bye to Harris, and left the school. :O

 

Went to KFC to eat "breakfast" as Raymond & I try to break the code on his phone, till he got hungry. Then we went to Yerba Buena's bowling alley, but hella kids were there for a field trip, so we had to wait till 12:30. So us 4 went to Metreon to the bathroom, and then to play in that place..Playstation store..I think. Then I sang :), nicely I guess..old songs that I haven't sang for soo long cause I've only been listening to chinese songs. First, I sand "Stickwitu" by: Pussycat Dolls, Love the song :) Several high notes. 2nd I sang "Unwritten" by: Natasha benningfield, it's kinda fast, so not much high notes..I didn't think I sang well, but I think I got perfect Score. Then I sang "Can't Help Falling In Love" thinking that it was the one sang by: Ateens, but it wasn't :(. You noe..the Lilo and Stich song..F4 sings it in Chinese. Anyways, that was not good..lol. And "Photograph" by: Nickelback (I think) wasn't good, cause I don't noe the lyrics or the melody of the beginning XP. Then we went to play bowling, and as we walked, Benny, Tiff, and Angelica was there and eventually came bowling with us, technically only Benny. It was ok, Raymond won with freaking 110. Benny forced us to play w.o. the rail :( which screwed me over in the end!!! Especially Raymond knocking the rail down!! So i got 95 :/ I think I bowled pretty well, though! the least i got was 6. Benny got ten less than me and iono what Alice & Linh got, but I'm quite sure Linh had more. Then we went to the playground..and my skirt revealed my shorts when it went up ><. Then we went back to go sing some more, everyone wanted to hear Angelica sing, but she said she can't sing into a mic. :( So i was forced/tricked into singing 2 songs. "stickwitu", again wasn't that bad and "breakaway" by:Kelly Clarkson, not bad, perfect score..final stage..daimond. lol. Then we went to eat at Little Paris. Yum :). Then to quickley, then to the playground with the crzy boys "playing basketball", making me and Alice scream, while Raymond sits there in pain and anger..kinda. DUI BU QUI! Then we went to the library and didn't do much, then dropped off Alice at St.Mary's, then to North Beach. Raymond went into the library, and I went home and got my paddles for table tennis. I wonder what Raymond was doing in the library. Then we went to play ping pong. I was being traing to beat Raymond Kwong, which i'm sure will be highly possible when we get back to school with all the "training" in the summer. Ping pong is cool, less running than tennis and badminton, but way faster..I need to improve my reaction rate..lol. If I do, that will TOTALLY help me in tennis and badminton. Then at 5, 8 hours of fun, I brought Raymond to his bus stop and sent him off :(. Then the rest of the day is probably the same as usual. Awesome day :) I think I have a lot of awesome days, I seem used to it. But since it's now summer break, it means less awesome days, but it makes the awesome days MORE awesome :).

Thank you Raymond, for all of the awesome days, I love you so much ♥

 

P.S. Thanks for coming to school yesterday and today, even though like..nobody did. Thank you very much.

 

 

LSIH Mv..with Chinese Subs <3 Enjoy. P.S. It has your favorite scene Raymond! lol

 

Today was pretty nice. Went to J-town, met up with Raymond, then Jessica. BF meets BF..lol. Well..I had to walk so much just to meet up with Raymond..but it's ALWAYS worth it. Hmm, I hid my name from Kit..and later I found out that was a bad idea. Uhh, then we looked around..or more like I looked around at the stuff they were selling..Raymond gave me a blue angel for our anniversary..ke ai :) and unexpected! Then we went to Ichiban Kan ("Number one ____" iono what the last word means) and Jessica met up with us and the two met. Raymond was..err..shy..and b4 that happened he said he was gonna TRANSFER.. which really impacted me throughout the whole day :(. Then Raymond help me buy the eraser..and stuff and me and Jess chatted. Well, finally someone..like my Best Friend thinks my Boyfriend is cool and a nice guy :). That's AWESOME :P..because I love him, and I want my close friends to like him. Anyways..me and Jess looked around some more..mostly Jess..and we bought candy :). Then we left and went to the other "mall" and we went Nippon-ya (Japan (something to do with Japan or Japanese) Store) and saw the little fishey, and the one we all liked were the Black ones..which prevents Bad Luck. Then later we go to the Kinokuniya bookstore, and this may have been when Raymond started to seem moody..or at least not himself..then later Kinokuniya Stationary Store..then outside..then Ninja Market? then looked for the 19 bus stop. Finally, at the 19 bus stop, Raymond seemed to loosen up, and was himself again :). I feel that today's weather is like Raymond..the beginning, rainy, then later stopped, then dark clouds and finally sunny, and the sky was very blue. Then we all took the 19, then me and Raymond left at the next stop and went to the 38 bus stop. Then we waited and took the bus to 3rd Street. Then we went down to the Muni station..and left, and we went to my stop..kinda. I ran for the 30 and waved farewell to Raymond. Well..that basically sums up most of my day.

 

Aiyoo..it's 10:26. Raymond is not online. >< seems like we are tlking less online :/.

Raymond, remember when I said you seemed moody. There's this one "thing" that didnt really happen when u were like that, and that "thing" was like an omen to me, because that's what started to happen back then when i was with Geometry which may have also led to my decision of dumping him, and so it makes me unhappy whenever that "thing" happens.

 

Well for more happy stuff..here's a nice picture of us:

 

Here's my favorite..the "Gangster" picture LOL :P

Today was a good day..well for me it was. And especially on the bus, I'm really gonna miss those times when Raymond is gonna start driving, next year. hehe..i guess i got nervous a bit when he kissed me, and another time when he "kissed" me. The sign I spotted on the bus was so cool...it said "Please Love Back". lol

 

Overall the day was good, but bad things are still sticking around.

Yesterday's controversy has been solved, but today's controversy hasn't really been solved. Well, if I had more time today to talk to him online..I might have been able to help resolve the whole thing, or at least comfort him so he won't be so mad.

 

Since I didn't really get the chance, I shall attempt now.

Ok well, I think when NG said the thing about joining all the sports just to skip class, I think what he said was totally absurd and just not right. I mean, he's kinda making a big deal out of 15 minutes. I think that NG does care about Raymond's education, and doesn't want him to miss class, so this may have sparked something in NG, therefore, causing him to say these things. Everyone has their bad days, sometimes all that anger builds up, and the person channels it all to one person, and I guess that was Raymond. I know..what I'm saying may not be accurate because I wasn't there, but I hope it helps. Maybe after a nice sleep, everything will be fine.

 

Aiyoo and next year, Raymond isn't gonna do tennis..I dink. Well, if you think about it, if he really wants to play..he'd persuade his parents, somehow. But I dun think that's gonna work to well, because he may take night classes. That kinda sucks for him i guess, but it also sucks for me. I'm totally supporting him with all this high classes that he wants to take, but I'm afraid we'd have less time to talk. I mean, we use to chat for at least an hour, but now, the time is never really the same. And I also hope he won't be stressed out!

 

"The truth goes a long way" -Debbie    ..I guess that sums up how I resolved the problem yesterday 

 

I guess tm I am going to Cherry Blossom Festival. My best friend is gonna be there..hopefully so will my boyfriend.

 

lol. i know i didn't tell u this, probably because i forgot..or i was going too. Well I was in the shower..and way back when..I sang in the shower..lol. But now..I think in the shower. Anyways. As I was thinking..I was like "Wow. I love him soo much". And it's amazing how much I love him, and I hope I can tell him that..tm...if I remember. It's almost 2 months, and I seem to fall for him more and more. <3 I hope you enjoy ur 2nd month anniversary present! Good thing yesterday, I helped you resolved your problem..or else my present may have been meaningless or unuseful.

 

Random thought : I am very random..lol. My paragraphs don't flow at all..especially the one sentence paragraphs.

 

I think, when it comes to helping people, I excel at helping people with their problems, and anything that has to do with the brain. Iono how to explain the last part, but like I can help some1 that is emo or threating to kill, someone who lost themselves/their identity/self-esteem/self confidence, I have some type of persuasion in me that helps people. I can help people that think negatively. Well, in life, I want to help people, because i WANT to, and I seem somewhat good at it. And also back then, during religion, helping people was one of the thingys the book mentioned. And also I want to fight for justice. This paragraph makes me want to tlk about why I want to be a lawyer..actually, this sums up a lot of why i want to be a lawyer.

It's amazing how somehow I set up my own goals for myself, whereas other parents force. Reminds me of Stalin.. i guess, using force to terroize.

 

"Be proud of yourself, because there's nobody else just like you." -Debbie

"Love is wierd, that's why it is heart-shaped" -Debbie

 

O yeah..remind me to tell u the story about "fig"

 

 

Today was pretty fun :)

 

First Raymond "tried" to scare me at the library! >:P

Then we went to Quickly's and got the PURPLE COOKIE with Small tapioca..the ones that don't like Raymond..

After that..we walked to the playground...

        first i went to the monkey bars and "tried" to get to the other side..then RAYMOND CHEATED!!!

        then we were on the see-saw. (sounds like chee-saw) then we were on the slide..and i fell >.< but it didnt hurt lol.

        then back on the see-saw.

        then climbed the other thing and tripped and got caught

        then back to see-saw

        then I "tried" to climb up the wall

        then back to the see-saw

        then to a corner..kehehe

        then back to see-saw..well this time..we were sleeping together..:P

        then to the monkey bars again..

        then back to the see-saw..this time..Raymond has my jacket on his head..and it's my move..kehehe..his idea though LoL. I was thinking about it though..hehe :P

 

        I'm missing a "then back to the see-saw...and..kehehe....again.." somewhere..

Back to Quicklys and he got a Milk Tea, and i got cheese sticks..

Walked to his bus stop n dropped him off

Went home..

 

Great day right? lol Very memorable :)

 

 

 

 

Your True Talent Quiz 

..reminds me of my dad..I think he's more of the mechanical person than me..

 

 

Super IQ Quiz 

 

not bad right?

Today...lots of good things happened...

 

Modern World- all-around, it was fun

 -4 vs. 4 :P 

 -0258...520

(Ohh .. i just realized why u didnt want to listen to sad songs..lol.)

 

Badminton- fun..like usual. Learned some strategy..I think I can smash...I seem pretty good at blocking the birdie from hitting my face..heh.

 -The staring in the eyes thingy was .. so.. iono what the word is. It was indescribable. in a good way of course!

 

Bus ride- Very comfy .. because of his presence and his warmth..hehe

 -Love confession..somewhat.

          "Love doesn't have to be triggered by one event, it can be triggered through a course of events." True, especially the day was so.. happy. Love was in the air..lol.

 -The long, meaningful kiss..or at least meaningful to me..

 -We didn't take the bus together for a "long" time..what I consider long..

  

 

 

Well, as Raymond was offline..I found an article about my one and only favorite couple..because they starred in the same drama..loved it..and they go out in real life!! Da S and Zai Zai!! Here's an exerpt...

 

In response to her younger sister calling her an ‘old cow’, Da S straightforwardly said, “I am an ‘old cow’ but I will not force marriage.” Da S however, has some criticism towards Zai Zai’s obsession with cars. She said, “To me, all the cars are the same! Why buy so many.” Sun Peng, a car lover, immediately said, “Men who love cars love their wives! But Zai Zai seems to have many cars!” Upon hearing this, Da S said, “Ok! I will go back and smash all of them! But the news reports will probably be ‘Old Cow Smashes Cars’.”

 

 

Haha..ZaiZai is like Raymond..car crzy! O yeah..btw..BE CAREFUL TM! I'm not like Da S..cause I don't critisize the obsession.. but we do both care a lot about our hair..she cares about hers more than i care about mines though..and we both are older than our bfs. Iono..this was only just to show the car thing. "Men who love cars love their wives" LOL is that true? lol...coincidentally...today i happened to be Raymond's wife...twice..i dink. LOL i just found out another similarity..the "cow" thing. :P

 

 

 

  

One Last Thing://

 

Debbie's Dont's:

 

-Do NOT play with Raymond's hair

-Do NOT buy chocolate for Raymond

-Do NOT buy big presents..in size not price..lol

-Do NOT let go, ever.

 

Debbie's Do's:

-love him with my whole heart

-kiss him passionately

-hug him snuggly

-hold him tightly

-comfort him

-smile with/at him

-Do sweet things

-Do the right thing

-Do whatever it takes.

-Be there always.

 

Your card almost made me cry..tears of joy..of course. I shall read it again b4 I sleep..lol

 

This month..yes..it may be the best month ever for me too. Almost everyday..I see you...and Everyday..you make me smile. You make me the happiest..or even happier than that. We happen to be a pair of winners eh? Lol :P You make a mile seem like a few blocks. You give me so much energy, you give me a "drive" to do things that I don't want to..but have to do. You make me the luckiest girl and we have the most fun moments..most funny..and most loving moments. I feel very safe when you're around, always protecting me and being there whenever. It's been great being with you..but we can never let the good times stop. Again, thanks for everything! 

 

 

 

 

 

Well..yeah..like I said yesterday.. I was gonna tell him ..that I'm falling in love with him ..and so I told him..

 

Today..was good

I got to see him :) high-cleared with him :) and the usual with him :)

 

Wierd..I was sad..but it wasn't really anyone's fault..just like a misunderstanding..but I feel better now :)

 

Omg Wierd things at school was like:

1. Phuc..that Loserrrrrr... We were in Adv. Algebra..and so I'm getting the "chips" for the game..and like he's like standing there..like STARING at me..i think..which SCARES me...and so I was like to myself "COUNT 16 FASTER!!!" man i was like..scared ><. Then later everyone finished first round..and i lost to tevin..no suprise..and then i'm sitting at the table playing aganist dung, then andrew..and phuc is there AGAIN STARING..and I was like..o sh*t, he better not want to play me...luckly THAT didn't happen...

2. Well this isn't wierd..but it's freaking Retarded.. FAKEASS matthew, takes his english do now..erases the "3" the period and TURNS THAT IN to get Do Now credit for MAHNKE.. WHAT A FREAKING CHEAPSAKE LOOSER! that's like freaking 8 points. What a LOSER!

 

:/...Raymond isn't on yet.....

 

I think I'm look for ways to win that game we played in Adv. Algebra..and I need to remember to teach Raymond how to play the piano..and I need to buy stuff for his card tm. Hopefully, Pearls has what i need..HOPEFULLY! Well..if i start from scratch..it may turn out terrific..like Joann's V-day card..

 

That's all for now..

 

 

 

 

Yesterday's

Raymond says "5201413" or something to that extent..

 

Last Night's

Raymond n I are like..somehow making out on the phone.. I think we actually made out for real too ..in my dream. And it was pretty hot ...LOL...well that's how I recalled it..

 

 

 

Today's Day..

Tiring..

In general..it was pretty good...

Raymond isn't feeling well

I really really hope he feels better...

 

Badminton practice:

-fun

-challenging

-tiring

I lost my first set...I had no idea about playing the game..till today...

I need more practice...

...I like the game Badminton..It's fun..so competition..is not looked highly of. But losing is...

Well. Today was an intresting day...

 

*We hugged..twice :P well technically more than that...

*We held hands

*He kissed my cheek

*I kissed his lips XP

 

...Fast eh?

 

I was feeling wierd/awkward but I got over it..

 

He's so sweet to me  ...Today, overall was pretty cool

 

And like hella people know too... XP LOL

 

He's busy studying..and I SHOULD be busy with my tarea..but I'm not ><

 

I wonder what we're doing tm..

The Awesomes of the day:

We like each other

I looked great

Had a great time playing tennis

Had lots of fun in general

Loved the presents!

 

The whole day was pretty awesome.

 

"I can never stop smiling when you are around..."

 

I dont dink it really matters a whole lot if we are bf gf or not. As long as i can be near him and share the laughs n the good times..it'll be fine . He's a person who's dedicated to his education..and i really dont want to be like a distraction.

 

 

 

 

Dream #1 The Wierd Start...1st dream of him

Well he and I are in some room...and like im laying on my left side..and for some reason he lays on my right side with his side..and he's supposedly doing something with my hips? And some other person was in the room too and said "That's not her hip, that's her butt". So then he supposedly "reads" my hips and points to this thing in a magazine. And the magazine said I have a perfect body or something..

 

Yeesh all that just to tell me I have a "perfect" body! Also..I started to sweat while he was on top of me...and like..I REALLY did sweat!

 

Dream #2 of him..

So me and him are sitting on this funky looking couch..and he's holding my hands. I could feel the tightness and warmness from him to me..Well I let go of him hand though..not in a bad way..just like "not here, ok?"

 

Sometime this week..Monday perhaps?

Dream #3 of him...

Me and him...So we are in the school gym...and we are well in a hurry or something..and so were everyone else in the gym. Well his hand kept brushing up on mines...and I was like..Ohh..I see what you are doing! And i was kinda implying that he likes me..so then we started to hold hands